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The importance of a dear FRIEND in our lives is like the importance of our HEARTBEATS......

Though they are not visible, they silently lend you the gift called LIFE

Happy Friendship Day... 

Behind every successful man, there is a woman......

So. Don't try and waste time to find success, just find a woman

I remember my dad teaching me the power of language at a very young age. Not only did my dad understand that specific words affect our mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success.

One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn't realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high.

My older cousin was also in the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Her mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad's voice over the wind yell, "Bart, Hold on tightly." So I did. The next thing I know, I heard my cousin screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree.

I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when her mother felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, "Don't fall!" And She did.

My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order to process the command of not falling, her nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly.

This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can't visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that. For example, when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn't get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a pass, "Don't drop it!" Naturally, I dropped the ball.

My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper "self-talk." They just thought some kids could catch and others couldn't. I'll never make it pro, but I'm now a pretty good Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and encourages me to win. I wish my dad had coached me playing football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer football career.

Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say to them, "Okay, try to drop the pencil." Observe what they do.

Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, "You weren't paying attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil. Now please do it again." Most people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil.

The point is made.

If you tell your brain you will "give it a try," you are actually telling your brain to fail. I have a "no try" rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won't. Either they will be at the party or they won't. I'm brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word try. Do they think I don't know they are really telegraphing to the world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for pretended effort? You will never hear the words "I'll try" come out of my mouth unless I'm teaching this concept in a seminar.

If you "try" and do something, your unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can't make a decision I will tell the truth. "Sorry John. I'm not sure if I will be at your party or not. I've got an outstanding commitment. If that falls through, I will be here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite."

People respect honesty. So remove the word "try" from your vocabulary.

My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism.

These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children.

Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have internal voices that give us direction.

So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you shortchanging yourself with toxic self-talk like, " I'm fat. Nobody will like me. I'll try this diet. I'm not good enough. I'm so stupid.. I'm broke, etc. etc."

If our parents can set a lifetime of programming with one wrong statement, imagine the kind of programming you are doing on a daily basis with your own internal dialogue. Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words.

Notice when you or other people use them.

Ø But: Negates any words that are stated before it.

Ø Try: Presupposes failure.

Ø If: Presupposes that you may not.

Ø Might: It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener..

Ø Would Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen.

Ø Should Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen (and implies guilt.)

Ø Could Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.

Ø Can't/Don't: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error.

Examples:

Toxic phrase: "Don't drop the ball!"

Likely result: Drops the ball

Better language: "Catch the ball!"

Toxic phrase: "You shouldn't watch so much television."

Likely result: Watches more television.

Better language: "I read too much television makes people stupid. You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!"

Exercise: Take a moment to write down all the phrases you use on a daily basis or any Toxic self-talk that you have noticed yourself using. Write these phrases down so you will begin to catch yourself as they occur and change them.

Although time seems to fly by, it never travels faster than one day at a time. You can choose any way you wish to live your life. Does it make a difference to worry about the past or the future? We cannot take back what was said or happened in the past and we have no idea what the future holds for us. But we do have today to live our lives to the fullest. "The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no man. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present." quote by Alice Morse Earle.

How much time do you spend grieving over the past? The hurts, regrets and guilt's of the past can consume you with remorse, but you only continue to hurt yourself by concentrating on the past. Let it go and appreciate the moment that you have today. Today you have the ability to right a wrong, to search out a forgotten friend, to keep a promise, to make that phone call that you've been wanting to, but keep putting off for some reason. You can move on with your life by forgiving and letting go of the past which you have no control over. One of my favorite quotes says: "If you had one hour to live and could make just one phone call, who would you call? What would you say? And why are you waiting?" If we could keep in the forefront of our minds that we are not guaranteed tomorrow wouldn't we live in the moment and relish every minute of the day that we had? Wouldn't we treat people kinder and not worry about the past or the future?

There is no greater moment then right here and right now. How we react or act at this moment dictates what the future holds for us. The decisions we are making right now will set us up for success or failure. If you are worried that you won't be able to retire with enough money, then instead of worrying about the future, think about how you can start saving more money right now. Worrying about the future is a waste of time and will not solve anything. Instead of appreciating the beauty and the gift's that today brings, your obsessive worrying is very stressful and leads to diseases like nervous disorders, heart problems and high blood pressure. Look back on your life and see how many things you worried about really happened. In most cases, it will be none or the end results weren't as bad as your imagination was. Abraham Lincoln once said: "Thank God the future comes one day at a time." Rest in the now and see how beautiful life can be. Do the things that you can today and never wait for tomorrow.

Most people spend so much time regretting the past and worrying about the future that they have no time for today. Do not let your today be stolen by the ghost of yesterday or the "to-do's' of tomorrow! Learn to appreciate today and the beauty of the people around you for you cannot relive this moment of your life. Commit to making the most of each moment of each day. Leave nothing undone since we are not guaranteed tomorrow. Jesus said, "Don't be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time" (Matthew 6:34). Are you able to live one day at a time and enjoy life to the fullest? If not, perhaps you can start today.

Once upon a time you had a dream, but you didn't have the faith and courage to see it through and so it died. However, in the back of your mind you still wonder . . . what if . . . what if I would have started that business or what if I would have moved to Paris or what if I would have married that person, I wonder what life would be like now? Would I have more money for my family . . . would I be happier . . . would I have succeeded? Is it too late to follow your dream? Only you can answer the last question.

God plants seeds in our hearts and then reveals to our minds creative ways to go about attaining the fulfillment of those desires. I believe you are never given a dream without the power to make it come true - provided if it's a career choice, you have the talent for your dream. You have to be honest with yourself and realize if your goals are realistic or a fantasy before you begin your journey. As I watch American Idol, I see the disappointment on the faces of the people when they are told to consider another career - well at least they had the passion and desire to try. There is magnificent talent on American Idol, but they may not have the uniqueness that will carry them to stardom. I believe you still need to pursue that dream, if it is your passion, but you may be limited as to how far you can go. Money can't be everything or else you'll die sad.

If we listen to that little voice inside us, it will lead us down the path we are meant to go down, but you need to have the courage and passion to move outside your comfort zone, walk down that path, open the doors as they become visible and have faith that you will succeed. Only you know if it's the right thing to do. I believe if you expect defeat, your subconscious mind will make sure you fail; however, if you want to succeed and you maintain positive thoughts then your life will move in that direction.

When we are young we work and dream ambitious wishes, but the older we get, the more we start to lose our vision and dreams. We go through life never really satisfied, but accepting the life we've chosen; however, in the back of our minds we always remember the dream we once had. When we begin to walk the final episode in our life we struggle with the unfulfilled dream . . . a dream we abandoned many years ago.

If the Lord has placed a vision in your heart, pursue it. Dare to dream and take that first step, because you never know until you try. Believe in yourself and you will succeed - it will take hard work and perseverance, but it's better to try then to live with the "what if's" all of your life. So what is your dream? It is my hope that you have the courage to live life to the fullest and follow your dreams, so that you will not live with regrets.

"Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and
belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication.
Remember all things are possible for those who believe."
~ Gail Devers

As the song goes . . . "I can't make you love me if you don't. You can't make your heart feel something it won't" . . . and even though we realize this, we hold on, hoping that things will change and something magical will happen to open their eyes and they will finally see how wonderful we are and fall in love with us. But, more often than not, it doesn't happen this way and our hearts get broken and the relationship ends or never begins.

"People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime." Understanding these words helped me to appreciate the time and gifts that the person brought to the relationship, learn from the experience and harbor no ill feelings. God brought this person into my life for a reason and although I may not know what that was and I will miss them, it is time to move on and let them go. It is a healthier way for me to perceive relationships since I have no control over someone's feelings and no longer lose my identity by trying to make them happy. I have learned to love myself and know when to let go when the relationship is not good for me.

I never understood the power of attraction and what creates chemistry in a relationship. In order to create lasting love you must have more ingredients than just the chemistry . . . you must connect on a much deeper level that can only be felt in the heart and soul. You must have a solid friendship, respect and a feeling of warmth and contentment that comes when they are around. Your morals must be similar and the two of you must be able to communicate on a deep level. Perhaps then if you find all those ingredients you won't have to ask the question "Why can't you love me?"

An incredible love story has come out of China recently and managed to touch the world. It is a story of a man and an older woman who ran off to live and love each other in peace for over half a century.

The 70-year-old Chinese man who hand-carved over 6,000 stairs up a mountain for his 80-year-old wife has passed away in the cave which has been the couple’s home for the last 50 years.

Over 50 years ago, Liu Guojiang a 19 year-old boy, fell in love with a 29 year-old widowed mother named Xu Chaoqin.

In a twist worthy of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, friends and relatives criticized the relationship because of the age difference and the fact that Xu already had children.

At that time, it was unacceptable and immoral for a young man to love an older woman. To avoid the market gossip and the scorn of their communities, the couple decided to elope and lived in a cave in Jiangjin County in Southern ChongQing Municipality.

In the beginning, life was harsh, as hey had nothing, no electricity or even food. They had to eat grass and roots they found in the mountain, and Liu made a kerosene lamp that they used to light up their lives.

Xu felt that she had tied Liu down and repeatedly asked him, ‘Are you regretful? Liu always replied, ‘As long as we are industrious, life will improve.’

In the second year of living in the mountain, Liu began and continued for over 50 years, to hand-carve the steps so that his wife could get down the mountain easily.

Half a century later in 2001, a group of adventurers were exploring the forest and were surprised to find the elderly couple and the over 6,000 hand-carved steps. Liu MingSheng, one of their seven children said, ‘My parents loved each other so much, they have lived in seclusion for over 50 years and never been apart a single day. He hand carved more than 6,000 steps over the years for my mother’s convenience, although she doesn’t go down the mountain that much.’

The couple had lived in peace for over 50 years until last week. Liu, now 72 years, returned from his daily farm work and collapsed. Xu sat and prayed with her husband as he passed away in her arms. So in love with Xu, was Liu that no one was able to release the grip he had on his wife’s hand even after he had passed away. ‘You promised me you’ll take care of me, you’ll always be with me until the day I died, now you left before me, how am I going to live without you?’

Xu spent days softly repeating this sentence and touching her husband’s black coffin with tears rolling down her cheeks.

In 2006, their story became one of the top 10 love stories from China, collected by the Chinese Women Weekly. The local government has decided to preserve the love ladder and the place they lived as a museum, so this love story can live forever.

The true meaning of Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Christ and the act of love for our fellow man. "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not parish but have eternal life." John 3:16-17. Christmas is a joyous time! It is a time of giving. It is a time of fellowship and devotion.

It is sad that Christmas is more a commercial enterprise than a religious observance. For most people, Jesus isn’t the reason for the season, buying and receiving consumer goods is.

Every year we have a mad rush to get to the stores first to buy whatever hot items are on sale. I believe it was last year when an employee at a Wal-Mart died and a woman miscarried when the doors to the store opened. The man that died was trampled when hundreds of shoppers smashed through the doors in a mad rush. You hear about fights breaking out in parking lots when someone took a spot that another was waiting for. People are known to fight for a popular gift if it's the last item on the shelf. Tempers flare as people prepare for Christmas, but yet the true meaning of Christmas should be about loving our fellow man--not hurting them. Christmas is not the time for impressing people. It is not the time to buy the hottest items. It is not the time to run someone over to get to the item before they do or steal it out of their hands just because you are stronger. This is the time to reflect on your life, to honor Jesus for whom this holiday was named.

Why don't we sit back, relax and find out what Christmas should mean to us. According to the Bible, the first Christmas angel appeared to Mary and told her that she would have a son called Jesus. Joseph was also visited by a Christmas angel who told him what his role in this world-changing event would be. When the Child was born, angels sang, a bright star lit up the eastern sky, and shepherds followed that star and came to see baby Jesus. They gave Him valuable and precious gifts to honor a king. Why would they do this? Because the Child was to be our Savior, Jesus the Christ. We have lost track of the most precious reason for this season. Perhaps this year we could stop and remember why we are actually celebrating Christmas. For just one precious bit of time, maybe we could take the time to thank the Lord for what He has done for us because it really is HIS birthday. Just one brief moment to tell Him we love Him since the season is all about LOVE and PEACE.

Have you ever wondered what the differences you made during your life are and how many lives you have touched? Perhaps if we think about this, at least during Christmas, we would all become better human beings and we would remember the reason for the season and carry it through the year.

Share your love with others and remember the reason for celebrating Christmas. Give thanks for the birth of Christ our Lord and love your fellow man. May the spirit of Christmas be in your heart and soul and carry you through any adversities that are in your life. Happy Birthday Jesus and Merry Christmas my readers, friends and family - I love you one and all!